Wednesday

On Monday our adoption agency received hopefully the last 4 documents from us. I fed ex'd everything Friday before 5pm - it felt so good! We are assuming this is all the judge will need from us but we'll see. We arranged thomas's cozy bedroom to fit a crib. We are now really preparing the house...cleaning, moving furniture & getting clothes ready. This is the part that i waited until last to do. Thomas keeps talking about Russia & "A" & we continue to pray for "A" & discuss him daily. I'm preparing emotionally for having 2 boys. That's all for today.

Getting Excited!

Got a request from our family coordinator at the adoption agency for another document. She said the judge is requesting it. It's an easy document to obtain but it got me so excited to think that the judge was actually looking at our paperwork! I'm looking of pics of "A" & i think i'm ready to go to Siberia! I think i'm ready to do the 3 plane rides & go into action with keeping thomas occupied. I think i'm ready for the cold...all of asudden i feel very brave. I'm ready to face the challenges and maybe even crack a smile. Well lets not carried away! It was hard to smile during transport as i was always terrified of the city traffic & no lane thing - oh, & the no seatbelt thing didn't set well with me either. I was talking to my brother's doctor who turned out to be from Moscow...she is a pretty woman. I noticed while in Russia that people are most attractive & dressed so nice. The women wear stylish boots, jackets, hats & scarves...the men are dressed up & i did not see people wearing jeans & sneakers. People are walking everywhere there & they don't have the custom of eye contact & a polite hello when you're walking head on with someone, like we have here. Thomas is asleep in the car & his granparents are going to spend some time with him today & that means i can go & fed ex the last of the documents out...oh, i didn't mention...i missed the delivery of our 3 last documents that were apostilled in Sacramento - the delivery guy brought them to the post office so i have to go to the post office & pick them up. It's amazing how important people become to you when they're holding your precious documents. I think i've said before, i love the mail man, the fed ex man, the guy in Sacramento who knows us & certifies our documents, & the man from immigration who got me what i needed. Depending on people can make you feel vulnerable but we all have to do it & again..that's why i think it's important that we all try to help each other out..sooner or later we're all going to need something from someone else.

nap time thoughts

It's nap time for thomas & that means free time for me! I feel like i need to write..i know when i start writing in my head that's it time to write it out. I have been thinking about this adoption journey & what i continue to learn. Aside from the joy of anticipation, i've experienced feelings of great impatience & desperation. I realize from time to time that those feelings feel familar - it's not the 1st time i've struggled with them. It's a different challenge but same feelings! I'm thinking that maybe i'm ready to learn the lesson & move on.

Before i met Greg, my Mr. Right, i spent many of moments in despair feeling like i would never meet the right guy. I could not believe that God would provide for me a husband who would meet all my quirky requirements. I just couldn't believe it would happen. I had been a bit boy crazy my whole life...finding a husband was something i desperately wanted for all the right reasons. I wanted to share my life.

At 30 years old my then boyfriend of 3 years off & on proposed...i had been waiting a long time to hear those words..long story short..i broke it off even though all the wedding plans were in place & the dress bought! We just saw the world so differently & i was more focused on getting the proposal than if we were actually compatible to be hubby & wife. I met greg i think around 2 years later... it's easy to say now but i wish i had trusted God, i wish i had believed it could happen to me.

I think of how peaceful my life would have been if i had waiting patiently & believed that God had a plan for me, that He would send me the man just for me. But i couldn't see it thru the fear that often crept up. I would have done so many things differently if i had hope & confidence.

So the fun thing about life is you get another chance at doing things the right way with the right attitude! Here's a chance for me to trust & believe that God will take care of us & provide. Instead of fear & worry which today i'm pushing over to the side, i'm going to believe that we'll be provided for in all ways. Now tomorrow, i may have to give myself a little pep talk again, but that's ok...it's allowed :)

I

The mail never looked so good!!

So greg just opened up the mail - i though for sure that the document we've been waiting for from dept. of homeland security/immigration would come in a big envelope so when i didn't see one in the mail today, i was irritated that we didn't get the doc. yet & i'd have to contact immigration again (which is no easy task)...then Greg handed me a smaller envelope with Dept. of homeland return address & sure enough WE GOT IT!!!!! I loved the mail man for bringing it, I loved the guy at immigration who helped get that to me & i loved Greg for not believing me when i said that we didn't get the doc yet. AND also in the mail today the document came that we needed from our homestudy agency - JACKPOT! When it comes together, it really comes together - seems you have to get to the pit before all the good stuff comes flooding down. So now i have the 3 documents in my hand that we need to get a court date. Next step is send these to Sacramento to get the state seal & then they're off to the adoption agency (back east) & then we should be given a court date! Now i feel like we're back in the game where we should have been in the beginning. I was so scared to open the documents in fear i'd accidentally rip a corner of the page or spit on it or some horrible tragedy would fall upon the paperwork...this is the kind of insane fear that happens when these documents are the way to your child...by the way..a child that you want to get out of the orphanage asap!! Today is a good day!

Am i on candid camera?

The good news is thomas turned 3 years old on Sunday & we had a wonderful celebration. Greg used his birthday money to buy thomas a dream car - it's electric & halarious to watch him ride around!
Yesterday i had to laugh after i started to cry..it was one of those days where you're just thinking "what in the world is going on!" I felt like i was back in my old social worker days talking on the phone, putting out fires, calling here, calling there.. for over a week i've been trying to get my brother's high blood pressure medication dosage corrected. I thought it was all taken care of until i called the home where my brother lives & was told that that hadn't received the new dosage...i call the pharmacy, they say they didn't receive it from the doctor's office, called the the doctor's office, they said they faxed it...i was irate as my brother still wasn't on the right dosage of medication & it's been a week! I finally got it taken care of but it made me so upset. Then i was on the phone with Direct TV trying to take care of an issue for an former client of mine that is now my friend..she lives in a nursing home..i was on the phone on & off for several hours & each time i was getting somewhere i got disconnected!!! I had to laugh, it was such a joke! Then i found out that my neice is having a NO CHildren wedding in Santa Barbara which sounds beautiful but i will have 2 little ones by then & i cannot leave them here..so in a dilemna over what to do there. And the worst probably was a document that i had been waiting for came in the mail - it had a mistake on it so it was unusable & so it will take a few more days to obtain a corrected copy. All of this while thomas wouldn't go down for a nap & while he was into everything...i was running around with one hand on the phone & the other on a geotrax remote control. I still haven't receive the document from immigration i'm waiting for & the adoption fees just went up.

RELIEF!

I had my face to face appointment with the homeland security (immigration) people this morning..my sister & I waited over an hour & then it took 1 minute to ask for what i needed & to get the wonderful reply of "we'll mail it out next week." I couldn't have been happier as we need a document from them in order to get a court date in Siberia. In our whole process we haven't had anything like this where we couldn't obtain a document. I was so nervous..i had visions of security having to come over because i would be so upset trying to get this document. The nice thing about waiting over an hour is that your nerves are pretty much shot by that time so i no longer felt nervous but was just thrilled to see a live person ask me what i needed.

I was telling my sister how much i realize that we humans rely on other humans to get things done & sometimes things go real smooth when our helpers are efficient & pleasant & how others can let things slip thru the cracks. When you're in a situation where you're depending on another person for something as crucial as an addition to your family, you feel vulnerable & so grateful when you feel like they really care. This is one of the reasons i make an attempt to help those in need - because it feels aweful to be in need & not get the help you need. Of course, God is our greatest help but i believe He expects us to take care of one another.

Paper chasin

This is a pic of my niece Gennean & thomas giving a thumbs up because we made it back from trip #1 safely! She came to pick us up a SJ airport & she along with the SJ airport were wonderful to see! Even though we've been back since early November, i love to look at these pictures to remember it was real!

in adoption, you'll often hear of the paper chase.. we have been done with our documents for awhile now until i got word that the court needs 2 documents + another document that i thought would be here by now. So that threw me in a tail spin..actually i collected my thoughts & got down to business...making calls, reviewing documents, etc. I worked in social services for 6 years before i quit to be with my little thomas & thru this adoption, i've kept those skills so sharp! I've learned new skills in new areas that i'm thankful for too. Anyway...i've been trying to contact the immigration office for a document that i need - we cannot get a court date until i obtain that document. Well, no one at the local immigration office responded to any of my contact...i sent 2 e-mails, 1 urgent & i even faxed a request thinking it would fall into someones hands..so finally i figured out how to make an appointment & i go tomorrow. Greg reminded me that everything for us has going extremely smooth so this can be our 1 snafoo..is that a word? So this paper chasin idea is when you literally feel like you are chasing paper everywhere...that's what i've been doing this week. Now, the good news is that a couple who had their 1st trip the same time as our received a court date yesterday. If we had all of our documents together i'd imagine we'd be next but this is going to hold us up i think. I wouldn't mind so much if they were documents that were new that i needed but 2 of them are documents i already sent in that they're asking for another original which means, another notary & then going to Sacramento to get it apostilled (state seal). Hmmmmm...all good things worth the wait & work.

Good things!

Well the good news is that several other families from our agency have gotten court dates! They had traveled before us to meet their child. We are so happy for them because this means they can go & pick up their child pending a successful court date of course. It also means that we'll get our turn next..& the way it's moving, it's looking like March. Greg thinks February but i don't think so. Another blessing is that there were 2 documents that the Russian court said that we don't need & that's wonderful news because our agency was having trouble getting them! - so big relief on the paperwork front. Greg & I will begin to do our lab work here & then we bring the lab results to Moscow - we'll be doing a series of medicals there. This is a new way of doing the health portion implemented a few months ago.

I guess now is a good time to get thomas's room ready for his little brother. I've put it off not wanting to have to stare at an empty crib for too long but i feel like "A" is in reach now & it's just a matter of weeks now. Thomas will have to share his little room...what an adventure this will be in itself. I only know how to have 1 son, now i will have 2 little ones & that means double the fun - double the trains, cars, trucks & playdough stuck to my floor. By the way, i did make a call to get my carpets clean as i wrote in an earlier post that dirty carpets upset me so much. My focus now will be to prepare the house & keep learning my Russian.

My focus has also been to try & plan another fundraiser but i've come up with no great ideas yet. Thanks to my friends who came along side of me in my distress & put the word out that we're still needing contributions..when i go to the mailbox & receive loving letters & checks from people i don't even know (& those i do know), it gives me such hope that we're not alone. I know that one day soon i'll be cooking dinner & setting a place for "A" & this will all makes sense!

eeeesh!

i wrote a whole bunch & then some how erased it or something... :(

The 1st time i saw him

I was thinking back to our 1st trip to meet "A" & love looking at the pics to remind me it was all real. I still cannot post "A"'s picure until the adoption is final. This is Greg loving up little "A" - I cannot wait until i can show everyone his sweet little face. I saw his little face for the 1st time in the referral picture the adoption agency sent us via e-mail...he looked so much like our Thomas - that made me want to cry. When we got to the orpahange (just took 1 hour from our hotel) we got out of the van & it was freezing..we walked into the orphanage & i was just taking steps..not absorbing the hugeness of the experience but just kept moving. We got in & had to put blue booties over our feet & then we continued to walk to this big playroom...thomas had fallen asleep so we carried him in. I walked in & saw across a big empty room a caregiver & a little tiny boy standing near her leg. He wasn't moving but just standing their as if he were waiting..i'm sure he's too small to really understand that he was meeting his parents for the 1st time but we understood that we were meeting our son & there was never a doubt since we had first been told that we were matched with a little boy from Siberia, that he wasn't ours. That moment was so full of emotion, so beautiful... & then when we tried to set thomas down he woke up!! So we had our moment & then it became brother meeting brother & that was amazing...especially when we got to feed "A" his snack & we let thomas feed him..

..so at that 1st meeting "A" who had been a mystery for so long became a reality..we finally knew who we had been working so hard for. Through all the garage sales, the dance, the letter we sent out & the spa party, we didn't know who we were doing it all for, we were going on pure faith. How wonderful to know now who God prepared for us. It's so humbling to be given a child to adopt, to be trusted with a little life..to be allowed to take him home with us, to be able to give him a new life. Now we're just waiting for that court date which again, we'll have to live on faith that we'll go back soon to bring him home.