"Some call it Autumn, I call it God"

Today is the 1st day of Autumn! It's hard for me to express how much i embrace this season..the quote above pretty much sums it up. Yesterday, Thomas & I took a nature walk down our street which is lined with big Oaks. We took our buckets & picked up leaves & acorns all the way up until we got to the historic cemetary at the end of the street. We sat in the cemetary for awhile & sitting there with thomas i once again cannot believe how much i love that little guy..how much more can i love him? He told me "mommy, i love walking with you." Eeeesh! just pulls my heart strings. I'm passing down the gift my mom & dad gave me..love of God's creation by playing in it rain or shine.

I have constant joy & unusual amount of energy during autumn. All of God's creation seems to be so alive...i feel it in my soul.

Happy 6 months to our Californian Siberian Tiger

Some say the 6th month of having your child home is the magic number. It seems it just might be. I have experienced something that i wasn't sure when it was going to happen. I think it's got to be supernatural..maybe it's God's grace, maybe Andrey changed, maybe therapy helped me & i changed, maybe my hormones got back to normal after a female issue. I realize it doesn't matter how it happened but it did & that is that my heart has softened & i have genuine feelings of love & compassion that a mother should feel for her child. Going into this, only knowing the deep love i had of my biological child, i wasn't prepared for what was to come. I had only known a child coming out of my body, breastfeeding & sleeping with me & never being too far from me.

So here comes this little 2 year old Andrey who is so adult like in some unusual ways & infant like in others. I had to get to know him & assess what he needed throughout the phases he went thru. It took effort as many times as i was so tired. The 1st 3 months i did what all the books said, feed him, change him, bathe, hold him, rock him, etc. I made sure my family stayed at a distance just as to not confuse him, etc. Even when i didn't feel like it i did it & i guess that's what real love is. It's doing what he needs rather than what i feel like doing. So i'm trying to work on attachment with Andrey while Thomas was going nuts adjusting to sharing me & toys. A hard lesson for Thomas but necessary for his ultimate growth. I felt more like a referee than a joyful mother.

There are so many feelings good & bad that one goes thru during this journey. Things got better for me when i saw a counselor who specialized in adoption/attachment. I didn't feel alone - i had a place to share those feelings that you don't even want to say out loud. After a few sessions, i felt free..things got better...i read the bible each morning & stayed close to God & asked the Holy Spirit to guide me. It was like in AA when you "work the program." The good news is that it worked.

Andrey & I are doing well & when thomas is in preschool we have a few hours to ourselves. I find that i do much better one on one. He has been helping me wash the dishes, we water the plants together, he helped me make a smoothie, & we do a lot of peek a boo, etc. Those things really help me feel close to him.

Andrey is a real sweet little soul & i feel blessed that God has entrusted us with him. It's been a humbling experience.

Andrey loves to help with the dishes!

I couldn't make up my mind which picture is cuter of Andrey so i posted them all! So on Tues/Thurs. Andrey & I have some time alone together...i feel like we've been bonding more & really developing a closer relationship. Andrey has been giving more hugs/kisses & maintaining his eye contact with me. I'm not sure if it's me just being more relaxed or if something changed with Andrey but something has changed & our level of love has deepened. I'm so thankful - everyone says it takes time, etc. but it's hard to wait for the closeness to happen. Doing the dishes together is bonding for us..he's helping mommy - by the way..he's too good a helper..you can tell he grew up in a place where he became trained to put away things & clean. So i'm having a good week with him, feeling more patient & having some deep genuine feelings of closeness. It feels good!

Thomas's 1st day of Preschool!!

Greg & I walked Thomas down to his first day ever of pre-school...Andrey stayed at home with my neice. What a beautiful new season we've come upon. I love that the pre-school is connected to our church & just right down the street. It was an emotional morning for Greg & I - just seeing our first born gaining a bit more independence & being in his first school setting. Little Andrey & I now will have some good 1 on 1 time & hopefully the time alone will only make us grow closer.

Open house for thomas's pre-school

Wow - do they look like brothers or what!! And look how nice & clean they look - they must have a wonderful mother who watches over them :) Andrey is on the left, thomas is on the right & this is a picture taken on the morning of pre-school open house. We took little brother Andrey with us to check out thomas's school. I officially feel like a parent. Thomas will be 4 years old in January so he's ready to leave the homefront 2 days a week for 2.5 hours. This will give me time alone with Andrey. Greg took time off of work & we walked down to the pre-school which is located at our church. Here we are walking.

He has come a long way!

I just wanted to post and show you how little Andrey is learning English.. He has always been in to music, but now he is actually singing songs that we can understand. Click on the video below and hear our little guy sing :)

Then & Now

We've been home 5 months now & we're just starting to look at the pictures we took in Russia....after a month in Siberia it was just hard to look at the hotel room or anything else 1 more time. Now we feel like we're ready to look back at what we endured. I just cannot believe we did it..with thomas, in another country & we took 3 flights to get home with 2 toddlers! God gave us mercy & grace is all i can come up with. So the phrase that's been replaying in my head when i look at Andrey is "then & now" = what a difference...so here's a picture of when he was in the orphanage in Siberia & below is a picture of his new life racing down a slip & slide!

A long time

Wow, it's been so long since i've written...last thoughts were "crazy joy" which i guess i was enjoying the craziness and writing about it. The last few weeks were tough so i wasn't experienced the great joys of motherhood that i was feeling when i last wrote..so sometimes i just cannot write. This blog was set up to share the adventure & hopefully spark some interest in adoption by other families... but when times get challenging i just don't want to write, i don't want anyone to get scared off & sometimes feelings are just better kept to yourself, sometimes i'm so confused by my own feelings that i don't even know where to start...i find that within one days time i run the course of many different feelings..my being female probably doesn't help..complex creatures :) So in one morning i can have great moments & then in the same morning i can be really challenged & get mad fast. I finally decided that it would not hurt to get some support & help with my parenting skills & to have a safe venue to vent my feelings & frustrations. I try to remind myself that Andrey spent his first 2 years in an institution & it did effect him...i've been trying to tease out what is normal 2 year old stuff & what is his behavior as a result of being parentless for his early years.

As for Andrey..he's tan...he's our Siberian tiger & our Curious George. He's loving the summer, the boys are playing in the mud, making rivers wherever pools of water form & getting dirty. This was something i loved as a kid & it really warms me to know i'm providing that experience for them. Other great things are when THomas & Andrey are getting along (meaning that thomas is being good)it's real fun to watch how they play & what kind of games they came up with. I was the last of 5 kids with my closest brother 10 years older than me so it's neat to see 2 brother who are only 14 months apart! Our days are really filled...i'm so grateful for all the friends we have & parks to choose from...really, i've never had more than 1 good friend at certain times in my life..now i feel like i have several great friends & i love their kids too - that's been by far a blessing that i'm aware of almost on a daily basis. There are so many things that i'm still adjusting to...& Andreys still learning too...i really don't like the beginning of relationships..any relationships..i like when you're years into relationships & things are pretty established..right now, seems like things are constantly changing...anyway...sorry to be vague but that's all it got!

Crazy Joy

I cannot explain it any other way other than to say that this season of life is crazy & so crazily joyful..i didn't think the feelings couldn't really co-exist but i'm experiencing it. I'm so relieved to report that life has gotten easier...it's been 3 months since we got home from Russia & thomas has adjusted to being a big brother & has stopped peeing his pants (he was potty trained) & biting his nails. He still has his moments where i have to protect Andrey but now their time together is spent playing & i love to watch what games they come up with!! There are forts all around my house now, blankets covering chairs & secret hiding places & toys shoved in small areas around the house...it's so great to see them play together!! Now Andrey is really a part of our routine & life wouldn't seem the same without him. We take the boys to the Jungle (big indoor adventure play area) & they really do some good bonding -running, jumping, climbing & i love when they call each other -especially when Andrey calls thomas "tommy."
So our home has more noise, more people, more laundry & dishes but i really feel so involved in the most important aspect of life...loving & being loved... in no other season of life have i experienced being so needed & so loved & so important.
Adding to the pleasures right now is summertime - i love summer with small kids...so much of our time is playing in the water or the dirt or walking around barefoot...i love childhood & having small kids is a way to relive my own wonderful childhood. Before we got Andrey, i would envision providing him all the things i got in my childhood & it made me so motivated to take the risks you face with adoption. Now we have him & i see him running around, playing with the neighbor kids, enjoying the sun & getting really dirty..eating watermelon & icecream cones...it doesn't get much better to me. I thought about my life dreams as i often do - it's an unbelievable feeling to be at a place where they've all come true (except for owning a home- won't be long with greg's determination) - i have a masters degree in clinical psychology (my favorite subject), i was in the work world doing what i loved for 6 years, i got married to a man who brings out the best in me & i had the experience of pregnancy & childbirth & i've taken a small little life out of an orphanage & am providing a happy childhood for him...anything is really extra at this point...i even thought - oh, i hope i don't die just cause i got everything i wanted!! :) I know that God is good & he didn't give up on me & showered me with all my hearts desires. I will be 38 next month & i'm very happy in the midst of being with these 2 little ones all day that sometimes drive me nutty :)

Good times for the Dinis

Hello everyone :) Sorry it has been awhile since we last wrote. All is well with us. Andrey and Thomas are acting like real brothers, which is code for, they fight, but they mostly play together. That means things are easier for my lovely wife Jeanette. She tells me her days are easier without me, which is great! At the beginning I would worry about her being home with the two boys, but no more!

So.. an activity update. We recently made our first post-Russia road trip. We travelled to Pasadena for our niece Geneen's graduation from seminary. WE decided to stop in Pismo to break up the drive and the boys had a great time! It was easy for everyone involved... They buried me, which is always fun, and we ran in and out of the water all day! We drove into Pasadena the following day and enjoyed seeing "Cousin Neen" as Thomas calls her, graduate. Nice work Masters!!

So we had fun there playing in the park, and spending time with the Scrivanos in Pasadena. We made the trip back on a sunday, left Pasadena early, and spent a few hours in Pismo once again. It worked out perfect. The boiys slept after and the drive was pretty drama free.. DVD's and lollipops.. the perfect combo!

ON a personal note.. my brither and I flew to Phoenix a few days later for our annual baseball roadtrip and watched A's and Diamondbacks... we had fun in the 113 degree heat, and saw probably two of the worst baseball games u will ever see. A's lost both.. but, the brotherly bonding was worth trip...



Anyways.. thanks for checking in.. talk to you all soon...