5 year wedding anniversary

5 years! that's something...it feels just about right. I love our meeting story..here's the short version. 6 years ago,sitting at my desk at lunchtime browsing the faces of Match.Com i came across greg's face & read his profile...we started to e-mail back & forth & soon after i told my rooommate about him..turns out she knew him from a bible study & the thought had crossed her mind to set us up but she didn't feel she knew him well enough to invite him over. (I always tease her that she should have invited him over because now i always have to say we met on Match.com!!!)...anyway, so after she & I put together that it was the same Greg, Greg & i met for the first time - we had our first date on a superbowl Sunday & he proposed that spring & we were married on September 28, 2003. (i like a man who knows his heart & mind).

Now 2 kids later & greg being a police officer/detective ..we spent our anniversary night a bit differently. After a fun dinner out in our downtown, we came home & thomas & andrey liked my floor length nightgown i wore on our wedding night - so the boys thought it was some kind of tent & covered themselves with it (with me in it) - very halarious. Oh, & then greg got called into work at 9pm. Oh well...times have changed a bit but wouldn't have it any other way.

Bittersweet memories

These are pics of Andrey's last moments in the orphanage - as we were leaving a caregiver said goodbye to him & in Russian said "he was like my son." My favorite are the pics of the car ride home. I know i've posted some pics like this before but as time goes by i'm actually able to appreciate the experience more. As my love for Andrey grows, things become more meaningful. When i was in Russia, i was in survival mode..doing what i had to do despite my fears/worries, etc. It's taken me 6 months to look back at some of these pics & actually take them in!

Today at the park we met a woman from Russia. I asked if she would speak to Andrey in Russian. I've met a few people throughout the months who were Russian speaking & who did this. Today, i started to cry when i heard the Russian words come out of her mouth to the ears of my little Siberian tiger. The tears came from the emotion of the memories of the caregivers that we heard speak Russian to Andrey, they came from knowing that Andrey would never be a Russian, living & speaking & eating Russian. I actually felt compassion towards him as i know more about his beginnings than he does - what my eyes have seen, what pictures we took, will all be showed to him one day. As the days grow farther & farther away from our month long stay in Moscow/Siberia, i can call upon the sweet memories of our beginning with Andrey. So i'm going to post more & more pics of the beginning as if i'm re-living it in a sense & have more courage now to feel the feelings. I was pretty much on a mission there & shut down of lots of feelings cause i was just trying to survive our conditions.

Maybe I was wrong!

SOMEBODY CALL ME A NANNY!

"Some call it Autumn, I call it God"

Today is the 1st day of Autumn! It's hard for me to express how much i embrace this season..the quote above pretty much sums it up. Yesterday, Thomas & I took a nature walk down our street which is lined with big Oaks. We took our buckets & picked up leaves & acorns all the way up until we got to the historic cemetary at the end of the street. We sat in the cemetary for awhile & sitting there with thomas i once again cannot believe how much i love that little guy..how much more can i love him? He told me "mommy, i love walking with you." Eeeesh! just pulls my heart strings. I'm passing down the gift my mom & dad gave me..love of God's creation by playing in it rain or shine.

I have constant joy & unusual amount of energy during autumn. All of God's creation seems to be so alive...i feel it in my soul.

Happy 6 months to our Californian Siberian Tiger

Some say the 6th month of having your child home is the magic number. It seems it just might be. I have experienced something that i wasn't sure when it was going to happen. I think it's got to be supernatural..maybe it's God's grace, maybe Andrey changed, maybe therapy helped me & i changed, maybe my hormones got back to normal after a female issue. I realize it doesn't matter how it happened but it did & that is that my heart has softened & i have genuine feelings of love & compassion that a mother should feel for her child. Going into this, only knowing the deep love i had of my biological child, i wasn't prepared for what was to come. I had only known a child coming out of my body, breastfeeding & sleeping with me & never being too far from me.

So here comes this little 2 year old Andrey who is so adult like in some unusual ways & infant like in others. I had to get to know him & assess what he needed throughout the phases he went thru. It took effort as many times as i was so tired. The 1st 3 months i did what all the books said, feed him, change him, bathe, hold him, rock him, etc. I made sure my family stayed at a distance just as to not confuse him, etc. Even when i didn't feel like it i did it & i guess that's what real love is. It's doing what he needs rather than what i feel like doing. So i'm trying to work on attachment with Andrey while Thomas was going nuts adjusting to sharing me & toys. A hard lesson for Thomas but necessary for his ultimate growth. I felt more like a referee than a joyful mother.

There are so many feelings good & bad that one goes thru during this journey. Things got better for me when i saw a counselor who specialized in adoption/attachment. I didn't feel alone - i had a place to share those feelings that you don't even want to say out loud. After a few sessions, i felt free..things got better...i read the bible each morning & stayed close to God & asked the Holy Spirit to guide me. It was like in AA when you "work the program." The good news is that it worked.

Andrey & I are doing well & when thomas is in preschool we have a few hours to ourselves. I find that i do much better one on one. He has been helping me wash the dishes, we water the plants together, he helped me make a smoothie, & we do a lot of peek a boo, etc. Those things really help me feel close to him.

Andrey is a real sweet little soul & i feel blessed that God has entrusted us with him. It's been a humbling experience.

Andrey loves to help with the dishes!

I couldn't make up my mind which picture is cuter of Andrey so i posted them all! So on Tues/Thurs. Andrey & I have some time alone together...i feel like we've been bonding more & really developing a closer relationship. Andrey has been giving more hugs/kisses & maintaining his eye contact with me. I'm not sure if it's me just being more relaxed or if something changed with Andrey but something has changed & our level of love has deepened. I'm so thankful - everyone says it takes time, etc. but it's hard to wait for the closeness to happen. Doing the dishes together is bonding for us..he's helping mommy - by the way..he's too good a helper..you can tell he grew up in a place where he became trained to put away things & clean. So i'm having a good week with him, feeling more patient & having some deep genuine feelings of closeness. It feels good!

Thomas's 1st day of Preschool!!

Greg & I walked Thomas down to his first day ever of pre-school...Andrey stayed at home with my neice. What a beautiful new season we've come upon. I love that the pre-school is connected to our church & just right down the street. It was an emotional morning for Greg & I - just seeing our first born gaining a bit more independence & being in his first school setting. Little Andrey & I now will have some good 1 on 1 time & hopefully the time alone will only make us grow closer.

Open house for thomas's pre-school

Wow - do they look like brothers or what!! And look how nice & clean they look - they must have a wonderful mother who watches over them :) Andrey is on the left, thomas is on the right & this is a picture taken on the morning of pre-school open house. We took little brother Andrey with us to check out thomas's school. I officially feel like a parent. Thomas will be 4 years old in January so he's ready to leave the homefront 2 days a week for 2.5 hours. This will give me time alone with Andrey. Greg took time off of work & we walked down to the pre-school which is located at our church. Here we are walking.

He has come a long way!

I just wanted to post and show you how little Andrey is learning English.. He has always been in to music, but now he is actually singing songs that we can understand. Click on the video below and hear our little guy sing :)