Happy 6 months to our Californian Siberian Tiger

Some say the 6th month of having your child home is the magic number. It seems it just might be. I have experienced something that i wasn't sure when it was going to happen. I think it's got to be supernatural..maybe it's God's grace, maybe Andrey changed, maybe therapy helped me & i changed, maybe my hormones got back to normal after a female issue. I realize it doesn't matter how it happened but it did & that is that my heart has softened & i have genuine feelings of love & compassion that a mother should feel for her child. Going into this, only knowing the deep love i had of my biological child, i wasn't prepared for what was to come. I had only known a child coming out of my body, breastfeeding & sleeping with me & never being too far from me.

So here comes this little 2 year old Andrey who is so adult like in some unusual ways & infant like in others. I had to get to know him & assess what he needed throughout the phases he went thru. It took effort as many times as i was so tired. The 1st 3 months i did what all the books said, feed him, change him, bathe, hold him, rock him, etc. I made sure my family stayed at a distance just as to not confuse him, etc. Even when i didn't feel like it i did it & i guess that's what real love is. It's doing what he needs rather than what i feel like doing. So i'm trying to work on attachment with Andrey while Thomas was going nuts adjusting to sharing me & toys. A hard lesson for Thomas but necessary for his ultimate growth. I felt more like a referee than a joyful mother.

There are so many feelings good & bad that one goes thru during this journey. Things got better for me when i saw a counselor who specialized in adoption/attachment. I didn't feel alone - i had a place to share those feelings that you don't even want to say out loud. After a few sessions, i felt free..things got better...i read the bible each morning & stayed close to God & asked the Holy Spirit to guide me. It was like in AA when you "work the program." The good news is that it worked.

Andrey & I are doing well & when thomas is in preschool we have a few hours to ourselves. I find that i do much better one on one. He has been helping me wash the dishes, we water the plants together, he helped me make a smoothie, & we do a lot of peek a boo, etc. Those things really help me feel close to him.

Andrey is a real sweet little soul & i feel blessed that God has entrusted us with him. It's been a humbling experience.