A few pics

1st Christmas season

Well... i cannot find the pics of our tree trimming experience...i dropped the camera that night..who knows. It's a good thing i didn't have grand expectations because while it was fun to get a tree from our local Home Depot, it was a chaotic night... i had to laugh...the boys were trying to hang ornaments, into all the decoration boxes, going kinda nuts. & now there are no pictures to prove it! Andrey was crying, then thomas was going nuts...i'm beginning to think we're kind of a whacky family. It just seems that this is a season of life with 2 small boys who are small animals sometimes.
Ok, so here's so good pics of everyone looking happy at greg's work kids party.

An average day in our front driveway

Andrey's 1st Thanksgiving (he's on left side)

Andrey really gets how to party & eat & enjoy a big family. We ate out with Greg's side first - andrey got to sit at the head of the table! He loves the attention & gets many laughs. He fits right in. After we go to my side of the family. Andrey hugs & kisses everyone & is genuinely excited to see everyone. We've had him for 7 months now & he's gotten to know & develop relationships with others. I no longer worry that he'll get confused as to who everyone is... some kids from orphanages think everyone's a care giver. At this point, it's in his head for sure that we are his mom & dad & everything comes from us. Thomas & Andrey have been playing very well lately. My stressed has been somewhat reduced. I did have sinus surgery & my deviated septum straightened. I'm still recovering. Being down when you have small children is a minor nightmare as they need you & it's so hard to care take when you need caretaking!

KIDS PLAY

One of the greatest little joys i experience throughout the day are these moments where i watch thomas & andrey play & i start laughing... i was in the kitchen working & when i came out i saw that the boys had taken all the toys & chairs & baricaded (spelling?) their bedroom door. I don't know where they come up these things. They come up with these real funny things....we have 2 little outside cars that they push with their feet in the driveway...they take trucks & cars & pile them on the roof of their cars & they wear funny things on their heads...i really love watching them. It's just the kind of fun i want for my children & i get the gift of a little chuckle here & there.
Also, here's some pics of andrey at Dorothy's son's 2 year b-day party & a family birthday party sitting with his cousin gennean ..he absolutely has the hang of the birthday song..he sings it loud with his deep Siberian voice!

Next fundraiser Garage Sale - Sat.. Nov. 29th

Greg's mom will be hosting the next garage sale fundraiser. If anyone has items they'd like to donate, please e-mail Jeanette at treesjd@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Funny Video

Hey everyone. I was just reviewing some video of my boys and had to post these two from Halloween.

#1 - Thomas doesn't know what day it is, and thinks we trick or treat on Saturday morning.

#2 - Andrey is very obedient. I'll leave it at that.

Andrey's 1st pumpkin day

Oh Yah, $1189 FINAL TALLY from our sale today!

Today we had our 7th garage sale fundraiser hosted by our dear friend Dorothy. She wanted to do one for us & at first i said "no" because i was so burnt out from pre-adoption yard sales. Dorothy looked so excited about it that i changed my mind after i thought it wouldn't kill me too & so today we had a huge sale. Our total was $889! Wow...what a chunk of money! (dorothy wants to hit $1000 by putting items on Craigs list that didn't sell).

For all the people who donated items to help us, WE APPRECIATE YOU. We had such good stuff & had many people make an effort to look thru their garages & closets for items to give. We had lots of fast cash items too. Thanks to Dorothy, her hubby Dan, my sister Maryann & friend Judy for coming out to set up at 6am! & thanks to the clean up crew, Dorothy & her hubby Dan, my hubby Greg who was running on few hours of sleep & my niece Gennean. & thanks to my dad for his guest appearance. He threw down $20 for a little Virgin Mary wooden Statue (a good Catholic man). :)

Because of this sale i'm so happy to report that we were able to pay off our Wells Fargo loan!!!! (2 more to go). This was a line of credit that we used to pay for the last of the adoption costs. Greg & i hated this loan because just when we thought we were almost paid off another fee came our way...all legitimate fees of course but they just added up.

So we have 1 more loan & 1 more credit card to pay off & i am so hopeful that it can happen. When we first prayed about this adoption, the financial component was one of my biggest concerns. I trusted that God would provide for us but at times my faith was a bit shaky. I really thought that after we adopted Andrey & he was home that we would not be able to do any more fund raising but i was so wrong...we've been receiving so many financial gifts that i do not even know how to take it all in.
I just know that when we are done with this debt, i will find other people who are trusting God with financial challenges, & help them...just like we've been helped.

Never thought it could be done

This is a picture of Greg putting up some cob web for Halloween....this is one of my favorite times of year & i love putting up decorations - pumpkins, scarecrows, cobweb, etc. This year i was overwhelmed with the cobweb situation....wasn't sure how to put it up so i handed it over to Greg. Now, Greg typically does not get into decorating but i think things may have changed. Here is the beautifully designed cob web covering of our porch. May not seem like i big deal but i love it & i grew up decorating our family home with my dad...so i love to see the tradition maybe catching on between greg & the monkeys (thomas & andrey). I went to my parents recently & my dad & i decorated the house..ah, like a little girl i felt! Still as sweet as childhood memories...me & my dad fixing up the house, my mom making her famous tuna casserole (a fast meal so i could go trick or treating faster). I love passing all this down to Andrey...he'll have great memories of his dad putting up cob web & pumpkins & scarecrows. I'm not much into the spooky halloween thing but i do love celebrating the harvest & i'm hoping the leaves will come down soon!
Here's a picture of thomas & andrey outside the house with our pumpkins.

Garage Sale Fundraiser - Sat. October 25th

We are holding our 7th garage sale fundraiser event at our friend Dorothy's house She offered to host one in an effort to help us. If anyone has items to donate (big or small) we would very much appreciate it. Please e-mail me at treesjd@yahoo.com if you have anything to donate. (Just FYI - furniture always is a big seller.)
Thanks!!

What i look like at the end of the day

Probably not one of my better looks, but that's ok. It was the end of a long day & i still had my apron on at the bedtime hour! (yes i wear aprons - i think they're sexy!) I'm just happy that Andrey will lay on me like he does. (he's best when he's really pooped) In the adoption world, most of us adoptive parents know that to some children, because of attachment issues, they aren't comfortable being held (so sad!) When we first had Andrey, he would squirm around a lot on me & when i held him he wouldn't form to my body. It was as if he had never been held before. Now he hugs me & holds me with a relaxed body. He knows how to kiss & sit on my lap facing me, not facing away. Although he lets me hold him, it seems his first preference in order to actually sleep is to be put down... it's so weird for me to be the mother of this little boy & to have missed his first 2 years. He was given up a day after his birth. Too bad the adoption process takes so long. Sometimes i notice little things about him that remind me that he grew up in an institution. It's a strange feeling. I'm mommy but i'm also somewhat of a stranger since we only met 6 months ago. I'm mommy, but he didn't come out of my body & he didn't have my milk to survive. Those are the things that initially bonded me with thomas...i have days where i really feel close to Andrey & there are other times where it's more work, where it doesn't come natural. I think it's great that some families are so bonded with their adopted kids & there's no struggle with finding closeness. This blog was set up to share our journey & hopefully inspire others to adopt. I also want to be transparent about the not so pretty feelings because you have to go into this family building with some truth. For some of us, it's going to take a much longer time for the bonding/attachment to become natural & real. I know that my lesson is about loving...it's about loving when you don't feel like being loving, it's about meeting someone else's need when you're too tired or irritated, etc. That's what i find mothering to be a lot about - it's about what my children's needs are...they are small & dependent & my needs have to wait. I learned that early on with Thomas. It didn't matter how sick or how high my fever was, if he needed my milk he didn't care if i was dying! (laughing)...they are needy little creatures & they are not built to worry about my needs. (i still find time for my pedicures though :)) & it's even harder with a new little guy who comes with all sorts of needs & demands & has to learn how to live in a family setting vs. a caregiver/child setting. I've been disappointed in myself many times for not being able to handle the challenges i've been facing with Andrey. Just when i think i'm doing great, he'll do something & i might lose my patience or temper (he has some annoying traits to be honest) & i'll yell one of those yells that feels so good coming out but you're shaking after - & i'll notice our windows open & i'll think "what a loser i am." you know, something like that. I think of what God must think of me during those times...surely he loves that i rescued one of his little ones, but then what does He think of me when i'm out of control & acting like a child myself. I guess He's got to love me either way. Now, i don't love me during those times it gets ugly. I've also learned that doing the right thing isn't the easiest. I guess i thought if we followed God's call to adopt, that somehow there wouldn't be challenges? hmmm...not sure what i thought...except i know for sure i didn't think i'd be a referee so often, breaking up thomas trying to beat up Andrey & fights over sharing toys & who's first & blah blah blah....In all fairness, most of my problems have come from Thomas having to learn how to have a instant sibling. Life is full of joy much of the time though...great moments, some dark moments & somewhere in between, i manage to keep my house lookin great :)

We've come full circle

This is a picture of Andrey at this year's Russian festival at a local orthodox church. He is watching young Russian dancers. Why this is special to me (to us) is because prior to adopting Andrey, we wanted to learn some Russian traditions/culture, etc. so we went to this Russian festival. I bought a Russian cookbook & scenic apron. So when the Russian festival came around this year & Andrey was an actual reality not just a dream, we had to go & enjoy coming full circle!

While in the orphanage visiting area, we saw many caretakers singing & playing piano...music seemed to be a big part of Andrey's activities at the orphanage. While Andrey doesn't get that Russian music anymore, i sure hope he likes the Lyle Lovett, Elvis Presley Gospel & Dave Matthews that is often heard in our home :)

From no family to family...

Sometimes it hits me, i'll be looking at Andrey doing something or playing with thomas or greg & i'll think "he never had a dad, he never had a brother, he never had a teddy bear, he never had a mother to tuck him in at night! And wow, i think - "look at him, he's got a mom, dad, brother, grandparents, greatparents, church, Jesus, aunts, uncles, parks to play in, the sun to make him sweat" (Siberia was freezing most of the time :))

As we leave the season of summer, i believe that we gave him some of the best gifts.. the gifts that were passed down to me...mud, dirt, sunshine, lazy summer days, water, trucks, mud pies, neighbor friends, open fields of grass, swings & slides, smoothies, ice cream & water pops!

I'm in awe of how God works...He speaks to us with a small still voice & somehow it gets louder over time until you cannot deny His message to you. In our case, the message was "you need to adopt a child from an orphanage before you have another child." Um, that was loud & clear! So having survived our call..we are on the other side marveling over what blessings God had in store for Andrey. God really does love & care for orphans.

5 year wedding anniversary

5 years! that's something...it feels just about right. I love our meeting story..here's the short version. 6 years ago,sitting at my desk at lunchtime browsing the faces of Match.Com i came across greg's face & read his profile...we started to e-mail back & forth & soon after i told my rooommate about him..turns out she knew him from a bible study & the thought had crossed her mind to set us up but she didn't feel she knew him well enough to invite him over. (I always tease her that she should have invited him over because now i always have to say we met on Match.com!!!)...anyway, so after she & I put together that it was the same Greg, Greg & i met for the first time - we had our first date on a superbowl Sunday & he proposed that spring & we were married on September 28, 2003. (i like a man who knows his heart & mind).

Now 2 kids later & greg being a police officer/detective ..we spent our anniversary night a bit differently. After a fun dinner out in our downtown, we came home & thomas & andrey liked my floor length nightgown i wore on our wedding night - so the boys thought it was some kind of tent & covered themselves with it (with me in it) - very halarious. Oh, & then greg got called into work at 9pm. Oh well...times have changed a bit but wouldn't have it any other way.

Bittersweet memories

These are pics of Andrey's last moments in the orphanage - as we were leaving a caregiver said goodbye to him & in Russian said "he was like my son." My favorite are the pics of the car ride home. I know i've posted some pics like this before but as time goes by i'm actually able to appreciate the experience more. As my love for Andrey grows, things become more meaningful. When i was in Russia, i was in survival mode..doing what i had to do despite my fears/worries, etc. It's taken me 6 months to look back at some of these pics & actually take them in!

Today at the park we met a woman from Russia. I asked if she would speak to Andrey in Russian. I've met a few people throughout the months who were Russian speaking & who did this. Today, i started to cry when i heard the Russian words come out of her mouth to the ears of my little Siberian tiger. The tears came from the emotion of the memories of the caregivers that we heard speak Russian to Andrey, they came from knowing that Andrey would never be a Russian, living & speaking & eating Russian. I actually felt compassion towards him as i know more about his beginnings than he does - what my eyes have seen, what pictures we took, will all be showed to him one day. As the days grow farther & farther away from our month long stay in Moscow/Siberia, i can call upon the sweet memories of our beginning with Andrey. So i'm going to post more & more pics of the beginning as if i'm re-living it in a sense & have more courage now to feel the feelings. I was pretty much on a mission there & shut down of lots of feelings cause i was just trying to survive our conditions.

Maybe I was wrong!

SOMEBODY CALL ME A NANNY!

"Some call it Autumn, I call it God"

Today is the 1st day of Autumn! It's hard for me to express how much i embrace this season..the quote above pretty much sums it up. Yesterday, Thomas & I took a nature walk down our street which is lined with big Oaks. We took our buckets & picked up leaves & acorns all the way up until we got to the historic cemetary at the end of the street. We sat in the cemetary for awhile & sitting there with thomas i once again cannot believe how much i love that little guy..how much more can i love him? He told me "mommy, i love walking with you." Eeeesh! just pulls my heart strings. I'm passing down the gift my mom & dad gave me..love of God's creation by playing in it rain or shine.

I have constant joy & unusual amount of energy during autumn. All of God's creation seems to be so alive...i feel it in my soul.

Happy 6 months to our Californian Siberian Tiger

Some say the 6th month of having your child home is the magic number. It seems it just might be. I have experienced something that i wasn't sure when it was going to happen. I think it's got to be supernatural..maybe it's God's grace, maybe Andrey changed, maybe therapy helped me & i changed, maybe my hormones got back to normal after a female issue. I realize it doesn't matter how it happened but it did & that is that my heart has softened & i have genuine feelings of love & compassion that a mother should feel for her child. Going into this, only knowing the deep love i had of my biological child, i wasn't prepared for what was to come. I had only known a child coming out of my body, breastfeeding & sleeping with me & never being too far from me.

So here comes this little 2 year old Andrey who is so adult like in some unusual ways & infant like in others. I had to get to know him & assess what he needed throughout the phases he went thru. It took effort as many times as i was so tired. The 1st 3 months i did what all the books said, feed him, change him, bathe, hold him, rock him, etc. I made sure my family stayed at a distance just as to not confuse him, etc. Even when i didn't feel like it i did it & i guess that's what real love is. It's doing what he needs rather than what i feel like doing. So i'm trying to work on attachment with Andrey while Thomas was going nuts adjusting to sharing me & toys. A hard lesson for Thomas but necessary for his ultimate growth. I felt more like a referee than a joyful mother.

There are so many feelings good & bad that one goes thru during this journey. Things got better for me when i saw a counselor who specialized in adoption/attachment. I didn't feel alone - i had a place to share those feelings that you don't even want to say out loud. After a few sessions, i felt free..things got better...i read the bible each morning & stayed close to God & asked the Holy Spirit to guide me. It was like in AA when you "work the program." The good news is that it worked.

Andrey & I are doing well & when thomas is in preschool we have a few hours to ourselves. I find that i do much better one on one. He has been helping me wash the dishes, we water the plants together, he helped me make a smoothie, & we do a lot of peek a boo, etc. Those things really help me feel close to him.

Andrey is a real sweet little soul & i feel blessed that God has entrusted us with him. It's been a humbling experience.