nap time thoughts

It's nap time for thomas & that means free time for me! I feel like i need to write..i know when i start writing in my head that's it time to write it out. I have been thinking about this adoption journey & what i continue to learn. Aside from the joy of anticipation, i've experienced feelings of great impatience & desperation. I realize from time to time that those feelings feel familar - it's not the 1st time i've struggled with them. It's a different challenge but same feelings! I'm thinking that maybe i'm ready to learn the lesson & move on.

Before i met Greg, my Mr. Right, i spent many of moments in despair feeling like i would never meet the right guy. I could not believe that God would provide for me a husband who would meet all my quirky requirements. I just couldn't believe it would happen. I had been a bit boy crazy my whole life...finding a husband was something i desperately wanted for all the right reasons. I wanted to share my life.

At 30 years old my then boyfriend of 3 years off & on proposed...i had been waiting a long time to hear those words..long story short..i broke it off even though all the wedding plans were in place & the dress bought! We just saw the world so differently & i was more focused on getting the proposal than if we were actually compatible to be hubby & wife. I met greg i think around 2 years later... it's easy to say now but i wish i had trusted God, i wish i had believed it could happen to me.

I think of how peaceful my life would have been if i had waiting patiently & believed that God had a plan for me, that He would send me the man just for me. But i couldn't see it thru the fear that often crept up. I would have done so many things differently if i had hope & confidence.

So the fun thing about life is you get another chance at doing things the right way with the right attitude! Here's a chance for me to trust & believe that God will take care of us & provide. Instead of fear & worry which today i'm pushing over to the side, i'm going to believe that we'll be provided for in all ways. Now tomorrow, i may have to give myself a little pep talk again, but that's ok...it's allowed :)

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